This is the age old question I get asked by my female clients and students alike. I truly believe women already know the answer deep down. Okay, maybe it’s not that deep down, more like it’s just below the surface. It hurts like hell, though many women have a difficult time transitioning from getting out of their own way emotionally.
Now, you are reading this, stating one of two things, either: 1) You absolutely don’t want to agree with what I am about to say or 2) You feel I’m right and you want to know more. Which side of that fence you stand on depends on perhaps which gender you are; and also how much confidence you hold. Yes, confidence and I’ll get into that shortly.
For starters, men need to have guts to be honest, no matter what! Yes, no matter what our ladies reactions may spew, we need to stay strong, dig deep and be honest! Women, you need to get a grip and accept honesty. Some women must be thinking “What are you saying Greg; I can accept honesty!”. I can almost feel the tension build. Your eyes and mouth begin to snarl as you get ready to attack back verbally.
Men find handling your defenses difficult
Yes, the biggest reason, or one of the main reasons men lie to you is they cannot handle your defensive maneuvers. That’s right, the way you get defensive, go for the tit for tat, start yelling and screaming at the one thing you crave from men: total honesty.
I know not all women get overly defensive with their man being honest, thus can take that in stride. Though often many women will lurch out, start bashing and ripping their man apart, for being honest. So, guess what ladies? Men lie to avoid these situations. Again, I am not condoning these actions by men! I’m trying to help you and your lover to be honest with one another; completely honest, even if it hurts like hell!
I see it in so many men’s faces during couple’s sessions, the fear and the “oh shit” on their faces when I ask: “Go ahead, be honest.” They want to run and hide! Not only are they ill prepared for the anger and attacks from their lady; they have a difficult time in hurting their feelings. It took me a long time to be completely honest with women for these very same reasons. Yes, me, Detroit’s Love Guru, Relationship and sex specialist. Go figure right! I didn’t; want to see the hurt, or feel like I was being ripped apart for the very thing they would ask for.
Confidence is what you need to be honest
I got to the point where, I gained confidence in myself and in my own virtues where I’m going to stand up and be honest, no matter what! Now, there is a difference in being mean in your honesty! Do not belittle, ridicule or degrade! I worked hard as hell at being honest, even knowing it would piss a lady off, or hurt her feelings. Again, this was not my intention! My intention was being honest. After all, that’s what women desire.
Ladies, I know it may hurt you intensely to hear a man’s honesty. The truth in what he feels or thinks. I even spoke about emotional maturity in my book: The Relationship Guide: Tools to Ignite Love & Intimacy. It’s not easy and I do totally understand. Though if you truly want your man to be honest with you, practice what you preach, or in this case, the resiliency in hearing the truth. Think about this. If you ask your man: “Do I please you sexually?” and he tells you no. This is going to sting like hell. It would and does for us men as well. Can you get to the place where you want to learn to be the best he’s ever had?
It takes maturity, self-confidence to hear the truth. Especially when it is directed at our core essence of the woman you are. I totally get it and do understand. Men, you need to understand that your lady is learning, and growing to be willing to hear your honesty. Do not give up! Be patient.