Why you must forgive, if you truly loved: A reflection on the qualities of love

By Obinna Ejianya (9News Nigeria – Melbourne, Australia)

Forgiveness is a central tenet of the Christian faith, yet it is often one of the most challenging aspects to put into practice. In 2 Corinthians 2:1-11, the apostle Paul addresses the importance of forgiveness within the context of the church, providing a powerful example of how love and forgiveness go hand-in-hand.

At the heart of this passage is the story of a believer who had sinned against the Corinthian church. While the exact nature of the offense is not specified, it had caused significant pain and division within the community (2 Cor. 2:5). Rather than harboring bitterness or seeking retribution, Paul urges the church to forgive and restore the repentant individual, highlighting several key qualities of love in the process.

The first quality of love we see is its selflessness. Paul makes it clear that the offense was not primarily against him, but against the entire church (2 Cor. 2:5). This reflects the biblical principle that when one member of the body of Christ suffers, we all suffer (1 Cor. 12:26). True love does not seek its own interests, but rather the good of the community (1 Cor. 13:5).

Secondly, love is marked by compassion. Paul recognizes that the disciplinary action taken against the offender had been sufficient, and now it was time to forgive and comfort him, lest he be “overwhelmed by excessive sorrow” (2 Cor. 2:7). This aligns with the instruction in Galatians 6:1 to “restore [the one who has been caught in a sin] in a spirit of gentleness.” Love does not delight in punishment, but desires restoration.

The third quality of love demonstrated in this passage is its obedience to God’s Word. Paul tests the Corinthians’ willingness to submit to the inspired Scriptures, which call the church to engage in the process of discipline and restoration (2 Cor. 2:9). Genuine love for God is evidenced by a desire to obey His commands (John 14:15, 1 John 5:3).

Fourthly, love is forgiving. Paul declares that he has forgiven the offender, just as the Corinthians should (2 Cor. 2:10). This reflects the teaching of Jesus, who instructed His followers to forgive those who wrong them, even “seventy-seven times” (Matt. 18:21-22). Love does not keep a record of wrongs, but is quick to pardon (1 Cor. 13:5).

Finally, love is protective. Paul warns the Corinthians that their refusal to forgive and restore the repentant individual could leave them vulnerable to the schemes of Satan (2 Cor. 2:11). The Bible consistently portrays the devil as an adversary who seeks to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10), and love recognizes the need to guard against his attacks. As 1 Peter 4:8 states, “love covers a multitude of sins.”

These qualities of love – selflessness, compassion, obedience, forgiveness, and protection – are not merely abstract ideals, but are rooted in the very nature of God Himself. The apostle John reminds us that “God is love” (1 John 4:8), and that this love is most clearly displayed in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross (John 3:16, Rom. 5:8).

It is this divine love that empowers believers to forgive, even in the face of deep hurt and betrayal. As Ephesians 4:32 exhorts, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” When we truly grasp the magnitude of God’s forgiveness towards us, it becomes possible to extend that same grace to others.

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 provides a powerful illustration of this principle. When the wayward son returns home, the father does not hesitate to forgive and restore him, even throwing a celebratory feast (Luke 15:20-24). This reflects the heart of a God who is “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Ps. 103:8), and who calls His people to emulate His compassion.

Ultimately, the call to forgive is not merely a moral imperative, but a reflection of the transformative power of the gospel. As we have been forgiven much, so we are compelled to forgive others (Matt. 18:23-35). Forgiveness is not merely a nice idea, but a necessary component of genuine love and discipleship.

In the context of the church, the failure to forgive can have devastating consequences, as Paul warns the Corinthians. Unresolved conflict and bitterness can provide an open door for the enemy to sow discord and division (2 Cor. 2:11). Conversely, a culture of forgiveness and restoration fosters unity, healing, and spiritual growth.

As believers, we are called to be imitators of God, walking in love as Christ loved us (Eph. 5:1-2). This means that when we have been wronged, we must resist the temptation to hold grudges or seek revenge, and instead extend the same grace that has been lavished upon us. For in doing so, we not only honor God, but we also experience the freedom and joy that comes from walking in the fullness of His love.

Maintaining personal relationships between people who once loved each other requires a great deal of forgiveness and understanding. True love has the capacity to endure even when the relationship has been strained or damaged.

When we love someone deeply, we must be willing to forgive them, even for the most hurtful transgressions. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary for healing and restoring the relationship. Love should give room for forgiveness, as we all make mistakes and hurt the ones closest to us. Holding onto resentment and refusing to forgive will only serve to further damage the relationship. [1]

At the same time, we must be willing to bear one another’s burdens and shortcomings with patience and compassion. [3] No one is perfect, and we need to extend grace to our loved ones, just as we hope they will extend grace to us. Bearing with one another’s flaws and failures is a hallmark of true, mature love.

Ultimately, the choice to forgive and bear with a loved one is a deeply personal one. It requires vulnerability, humility, and a willingness to work through the pain and disappointment. But when we make that choice, we open the door to reconciliation, healing, and the restoration of the relationship. Though the path may be difficult, the rewards of forgiveness and mutual understanding are immeasurable.

By Obinna Ejianya (9News Nigeria – Melbourne, Australia)