9News Nigeria Relationship Extra – Marriage Downfalls
In a few days, we will be coming up on one year of marriage. I have learned so much this year, and I’m convinced every year will be about learning more and growing deeper together. I want to share the top three downfalls we faced in our first year of marriage. These are some of the things you never thought would characterize you, but suddenly they do. If you can catch these and choose to fight against them, you and your love will be in a healthier and happier relationship.
Resentment is one of the quickest ways to ruin any relationship. It can literally eat away at you until there is nothing but bitterness left. It comes when there is some perceived injustice done. When there is a wound opened that is never closed and remains there to fester and grow, and eventually take over. I wish I could say there will never be cause for this and everything can be worked out, but some things you simply won’t agree on. That’s when respect has to enter the picture. When there is mutual respect, you can agree to disagree and you can begin to let things go. Resentment is a seed you never want to grow. Destroy it before it starts to. Choose to let it go.
2. Keeping score
The easiest way to identify an unhealthy marriage, from what I’ve observed, is when the couple keeps a never-ending score sheet of the other’s wrongs and will rehearse them relentlessly. Let it go. Stop allowing keeping score to ruin all the good moments. In a healthy marriage, no record of wrongdoings will characterize a couple who displays love. This can be hard to do. When you live with someone and make all major decisions with them, you see every single flaw. But when it comes down to the nit-picky things, instead, remember all the GOOD. Those things seem small in the face of your love’s beautiful traits.
There are many ways to be selfish. But the two greatest ways in marriage are wanting to be right and wanting to get the last word in. For my marriage, this always looks like continuing a topic when my husband asks me to drop it, or vice-versa. Is getting out what I have to say really more important than peace? After cooling down, we can come back to it and it will typically be a healthier and more peaceful conversation. This is not about us. Our relationship is not about us. It is about what is best for BOTH parties involved, and this means not having to get in the last word or win the argument.
I’m no marriage expert, but these are some of the things this year has taught me. I know there will be so many more lessons. There is nothing that refines a person more than marriage. You begin to see yourself for who you truly are, the good and the bad. In this year of marriage, I have recognized my deepest strengths as well as seen my deepest flaws. It’s a beautiful, difficult process. But one that is worth it all.